Uncivilised

I don’t know how to sit
or walk
or dress

What should a girl look like?

Does anyone tell men what they need to look like?
Yes? Why?

Why does anyone tell anyone what to look like?

What if I wanted to look like a potato?
What if my attire reflected my state of mind?

What if the makeup reflected the reinforcement I need?
What if the lack of it reflected how I couldn’t be bothered this morning?
And how the mirror seems like a thing that hangs behind the basin.

Really, why is it even put there?
Do I need to see myself aging in the bathroom?

Do I need to wake up and still seem
Sleep-deprived, eye-baggy and just
old?

Washing my face and wiping it clean
Just makes it look like my cheeks have a bright pink rash
Lipstick looks awkward on me
Rouge makes me look like a clown
Yup, the depressive one.

Suddenly, all the tropes about mania
and scrawling red and purple lipstick over my face
Sound like a good idea
As does messy mascara.

Yup, I went there.

Except, lipstick is too expensive to use as facepaint,
and the mascara, comes in several varieties of unaffordable
So I’m left with ignoring the mirror.

Sometimes, days pass and I realise I haven’t looked at myself a single time.

And when I do, I shock myself.

How old.

Who is this?
Who are you?

Smile?

My god, that looks awful.
No wonder I have no friends.